Most of yesterday afternoon I was composing an 80s hard rock ballad about frozen fish in my head.
IT’S SO DEEP
IT’S WAKING ME IN MY SLEEP
IT’S SO CHEAP
It’d resemble Love Bites by Def Leppard to some extent. There might be a young lady with big hair draping herself over a particularly expensive-looking fridge-freezer in the video. The fridge door opens briefly to gush out dry ice.
Superimposed over this, an expert from the fishing industry raps a list of all of the available types of fish, while the mulletted (sic) lead singer wails IT’S DRIVING ME CRAZY, BABY! and similar contentless emotives.
After the guitar solo, the singer holds the word FISH for a really long time, perhaps concluded by a drum fill in the style of In The Air Tonight, before he adds KEEPS to emphasise that frozen fish can be kept for a really long time if you have a decent freezer, and not just overnight or whatever.
Oh yeah, and during the fade out there’s a whole verse with all of the lyrics replaced with WOAH OH!
WOAH OH OH-OH OH OH
Anyway, this is how far I am going in avoiding doing more cheap political updates today.