Beyond Pluto

Out beyond Pluto astronomers have detected what might be the largest ominous metaphor discovered so far. It may change our loose, inflated journalistic language for all time.

There are already a dozen poets, who have skimmed headlines and squinted at the vague indecipherable images on their feed, ready to namecheck the object after their second glass of wine. “It’s tremendously exciting!” they will enthuse, before becoming vague and gesturing in a manner that gives the impression that they are holding something that they are not quite comfortable with, a large crustacean or someone else’s newborn, and then reaching out for a refill.

Meanwhile the world’s leading cosmologist turns in her bed and farts.